BLUUUURGGHHH MORE COMICS:
A 3 part mini series? This promises to be a story epic in scale, worthy of division into three parts! Don't worry, it's actually not.
As I've gone through these old things, I've discovered that any 'mini series' was basically just one slightly longer than normal issue split up into a bunch of tiny blips, basically just wasting staples.
This cover depicts the Seth Symbol with a poorly rendered skull where the dot usually is. A wiggly Swedish Fish streaks towards it (this is supposed to be a missile).
|START ALL STORIES WITH AN EXPLOSION|
We begin in medias res, taking no time for build up or a proper introduction. Seth is just dodging explosions. Some guy with what appears to be tic-tac-toe boards for arms laughs at his plight.
|The Mask reference #2|
Oh wait, those are missile launcher arms. I stole those from the Mech Warrior games! Specifically, the Timber Wolf heavy mech. So I guess at this point, I had a Playstation. One of the first Playstation games I owned was Mechwarrior 2.
This provides a clue as to when I likely made this comic! The first two games I owned for Playstation were Mechwarrior 2 and Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee. I didn't actually get a Playstation until some time after Oddworld came out, which is the more recent game, released in 1997. So this comic was likely made around 1997, putting me at a robust 10 years of age. My shameless plagiarism proves helpful in dating these things.
I guess I never take the time to name this particular antagonist. He is called Doom's Day. Derp! He has a skull on his chest, rocket launchers for arms, and some sort of blood vendetta against me.
Apparently Doom's Day is immune to my Sonic-the-Hedgehog-bicycle-kick-plagiarism-attack. I follow one shameless ripoff with another, quoting Jim Carrey from a scene in The Mask. Was I incapable of a unique, creative thought? Is anyone? (Sorry I just BLEW YOUR MIND! WAKE UP SHEEPLE! CHECKMATE ATHEISTS!)
|Oh sweet gods, why?|
Doom's Day explodes a thing above me. Apparently we were fighting in a cave? A bunch of rocks resembling empty potato sacks fall upon our hero, burying him in rubble. You can see Seth's little arm sticking out of the rock pile, complete with BLOOD! AIIIIGGH!!
Yes, blood. SITM is now harder-hitting, darker, edgier, for an older crowd. There's blood in it! You must understand, in the mid 90's, blood was a Big Deal. Mortal Kombat opened the floodgates for Blood in popular media, and it rendered my stupid mind spellbound. MK, anime movies like Akira, anything with Blood in it was instantly cool. Red liquid comes out of things when violence happens! Pleasure centers of the boy brain instantly stimulated! BLOOD THIRST ACTIVATED! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! MAIZE FOR THE MAIZE MAZE!
So yes, 3 pathetic pages and we end with a cliffhanger. There's almost no reason for this 'mini series.' At least I have the sense to end with a cliffhanger, I guess. Look, mini series were a big deal in comic books. I had to have a mini series if SITM was to be taken seriously by my competitors. The 'Mecha Madness Mini Series' from the Archie comics Sonic the Hedgehog serial was a huge deal, easily my favorite comic books ever. I read those stupid things until they disintegrated in my sweaty fist.
I still have all this energy pent-up in me, and no more comic to post. I guess I'll go out and karate kick rocks and trees.
SMELL YA LATER NERDS!