Sether in the Morff #40

This is it, folks.  The end of the original SITM series.  Do you need a moment?  I'll wait.  

You okay?  It's alright, man.  All good things must come to an end. 

Let's end this.

Cover Page

Oooh!

Why, this looks like something someone with slightly more artistic skill might have created!  For what it's worth, I think my drawing skills had developed since the earliest days.  It's interesting to compare this issue with the horrors of say, issue #8.

Page 1

DERF

Our heroes go to the 'air dock,' where the new stealth ships await. They're black, and sleek, so you know they're stealth!  Aww yiss.

Note the scurrying chaos of little pencil stick men in the dock.  It's hard to make out, but there's all sorts of weird easter eggs and visual gags going on.  There's a bar with drunk people staggering about, I think somebody is getting shot, there's a guy about to fly off into space (his lifeline is severed), there's people hanging on to the 'Air Dock 3' sign.  Waldo is even in there somewhere.  Can you find him?

Yes, this was almost certainly inspired by the Where's Waldo? books.  NOSTALGIA IS A DRUG.  DON'T MAKE NANCY REAGAN MAD!

Page 2

Attempts at ambient lighting!

Yes, the interior of the stealth ships have a greenish glow, making me draw everything in green marker.  Okay?  Derp?  The mission begins!

Page 3

Laziness strikes again!

As the squadron of stealth fighters approaches the bulk of Radical's fleet, I forget to color them in with black colored pencil, or draw the blue contrail of their engines.  This is a hefty issue; I've got 9 pages to get through, damn it!  Let's keep moving!

Page 4

SPACE FIGHT

The battle begins!  Zoomed out, everybody appears as little dots.  Look at all them lasers!

Page 5

Violence!

The battle rages.  Dog fights!  In space!  This was important to me as a child!

Page 6

Crusar?

Our heroes zero in on a POW transport ship.  They can't just blow it up!  What are they going to do?  HUH?

Page 7

Colony Wars game mechanics!

Yes, in the game Colony Wars, sometimes you had to disable enemy ships by using EMP guns against them.  Typically the disabled ship would then be towed away by a frigate.  Just aping Colony Wars here.  Move along.

Page 8

BOSS FIGHT

Our heroes focus on Radical's capital ship, the Mega Cruiser.  The League sends in a destroyer to help the stealth fighters.

Page 9

OH DAMN!

Having none of this, Radical orders the League destroyer... destroyed.  Our heroes are in for a fight!  What will they do?

NOTHING.  THIS IS THE END.  ARRRRGGHHH!!

Bonus Page

Sadness...

On the back of the last page, in pencil, I drew this weird doodle.  All of the major characters are standing around, as Seth says "Hey guys!  We're almost to 50 issues!"  :(

The peace sign is up there for no reason, as well as Kenny from South Park, about to be hit by an anvil.  This dates this episode around 1997, when South Park first came out, so I would have been 10 years old or so at the conclusion of SITM.  

To the right of Clyde is a character a friend of mine designed, some sort of super hero.  His name was Mike (my friend), so perhaps the character was named Mike?  He flew around on a magic flying saucer skateboard thing, and he had a cape.  We sat around and drew stupid crap together several times, and had a blast.  This was the first cameo of Mike's character, but I guess I never got around to a proper collaboration.  What a loss!

Well, so ends SITM.  My young mind was already becoming aware of how crappy SITM was, and wanted to move on to something more serious.  Oddly, I kept these old comics in better condition than anything that came after them; much has been lost, but the bulk of SITM has always been stowed away safely in folders.  I even lugged them with me to college and back.

Now they will reside on the internets with my bizarre commentary, until the day society collapses.  Cherish this record of priceless historical artifacts, you philistines.  

Stay tuned for future updates!  Or don't!

Sether in the Morff #39

Here it is, folks.  The penultimate issue of SITM.  OH BOY!!

Cover Page

Wee!

This cover depicts Seth in a spacesuit on some sort of dumb EVA mission.  I thought I had established in earlier issues that Seth could survive in the vacuum of space with his wacky powers alone, but maybe I'm wrong?  Who knows?

Page 1

Exposition?

Seth is understandably skeptical about these League folks, but Clyde explains that they are some kind of 'intergalactic police.'  ...Sure?

Meanwhile, Radical Worm has the League on his threat radar.  He's a-gonna be pissed.

Page 2

I hate everything.

Captain John Elway (barf) gives a mission briefing.  The crowd of seated entities is one of my patented 'easter egg hunt' panels.  The MST3K gang can be seen, as can Sonic the Hedgehog, Dynamite Heady, Mr. & Mrs. Pacman and Pacman Jr., and... a penguin?  Also, I think that might be Mickey Mouse in the upper left.

Then, for no goddamn reason at all, I introduce a pointless robotic servant thing called 'Pipo.'  The idea of a servile robot that served you drinks was something I thought was really cool.  So when the robots finally rise up to cast us down, you can know I was part of the problem from day one, with my robot slave fantasies.  I no longer feel the need to justify any of this to you.  I no longer feel the need to justify anything.  I am transcended.  I am The Dragon.

Page 3

I LIKED DRINKS, OKAY?  FUCK.

Clyde helpfully explains what I just told you.  Then the PA system announces that the operation is about to begin.  Oh no!

Notice the sort of art upgrade in this issue?  I started coloring in peoples' bodies with colored pencil.  What's up with that?

Bonus Page

BLEED THROUGHHH

On the back of page 1 I found this weird pencil drawing, apparently fake commercial for 'Yahoo.'  I don't know what this is.  I think I might have meant 'Yoohoo,' that gnarly chocolate milk drink.  Or perhaps it was a reference to the cartoon 'Hey Arnold!' where I think they drank something called 'Yahoo.'  I don't know.  Apparently it's not size that counts, though.  What the fuck was I talking about?

Drink it in, folks.  The next update will be the final installment of OG SITM.

Sether in the Morff #38

Cover Page

Huh?

The cover of issue 38 is pretty hard to decipher.  What we're supposed to be looking at is the side of a green space ship, with 'L.W.' on the side of the hull.  What could this mean, you may wonder?  Well, buckle up.  We're about to fuse SITM with... fan fiction?

Page 1

Bwuh?

So just as it looks like all is lost, and our heroes are about to be destroyed by a massive fleet of enemy ships, a large green space ship uncloaks and attacks the villains.  Clyde seems to know what's up.  But who could these folks be?

Page 2

Blam!  Boom!

The new ship dispatches Radical's forces with ease.  The boys seem confused, but Clyde claims they are his partners...

Page 3

...

So Clyde's partners are the 'League of Free Worlds.'  This is the name of the rebellious faction from the video game Colony Wars I've mentioned in earlier updates.  Rather than adapting them, or making something new based off of them, I just fucking put the League in SITM for no reason other than I was really obsessed with the game at the time.  

Aboard the League destroyer (Goliath), they meet Captain John Elway.  

...Fffffuck.

Look, I don't like sports very much.  Even as a kid, I couldn't tell you the first thing about real-life John Elway.  I just needed a name for this captain character, and John Elway was all I could come up with.  It's a good name, I guess?  Feck.

So he's the Captain/General of the League of Free Worlds.  In the Colony Wars video game, the leader of the league was a mysterious figure known only as 'the Father.'  I needed something a little more personable. 

Note those yellow blobs on Elway's shoulders: those are those little tassel-thingys you see on old-school military uniforms.  I thought those things were the best.  He also has a little whip... stick... cane thing, for some reason.  He also has hair!  A little yellow line sticks out of his head, perhaps to better differentiate him from the rest of the yellow smiley-face cast.  He also definitely seems to be wearing pants, unlike everybody else.

Page 4

FOOD

So I guess Radical Worm didn't capture the entire human race?  I guess they have a fleet of powerful warships?  The League?  Where were they when Radical was attacking Earth?  Why didn't they stop him from kidnapping all of humanity?  You're guess is as good as mine.

Apparently they have a plan to attack Radical.  Great!

It's hard to read, but that cramped little box in the lower right corner reads:

"To be continued.  Looks like the boys ran into yet another unexpected twist!"

Thanks for that commentary, past-self.  You're the epitome of wit.

Check out that spread, though!  Jello, turkey... a bowl of orange circles.  Dee-lish. 

Sether in the Morff #37

Cover Page

Hand me down flip-flops, hand me down socks, hand me down drug dealers, hand me down rocks.

Oh Sweet Mary & Joseph Stalin...  What the hell is going on here?

So... first of all, this is the first issue I did after acquiring a new set of markers.  I can tell because I now have dark green, gray, and light blue to work with.  This marker set was pretty badass.  It was like a little wooden briefcase with a closey-claspy-doo, and a handle to carry it around.  Inside were little plastic impressions where the markers and crayons and stuff fit inside.  It was one of my most prized possessions for a long time.  I was of course excited to start using it immediately.  The final few issues of SITM were forged with these implements before my attentions drew me elsewhere.

Now this particular cover has so much raw 90's street-cred 'tude I don't even know how to handle it.  Seth levitates slightly off the ground in a dirty alleyway, because dirty alleyways are a window to the heart of the city, man!  And he's stickin' it to the man, who is Radical Worm in this case, by spray painting over his big R symbol thing.  Radical!  I'm surprised Seth isn't wearing rollerblades and headphones like a jackass.  

What the hell is that graffiti over the R?  Juno?  JNCO?  I couldn't tell you.  I think I was trying to make as authentic a generic graffiti tag I could produce at the moment.  JNCO jeans were pretty popular when I was a kid, and it didn't get much more urban coolness than that.  Who the hell knows?  

If you ever look at pictures of what was cool in the 90's, and wonder perplexedly how anyone could ever think it was cool, these comics are proof that at the time, kids DID think sunglasses and skateboards and graffiti was cool.  So grab a Capri Sun and a Fruit By the Foot and continue reading, you worthless sack of trash.

Page 1

SPACE CHIPS

Our heroes blast off from Earth with only a vague idea of attacking Radical Worm's war fleet or something.  Good plan, guys.

Page 2

-Insert Admiral Akbar Quote-

The text is a little hard to read on this one.  A voice that is probably Radical Worm says 'Come little ones... into my TRAP!'

Then Jess is all like 'This isn't right!  We should have ran into trouble by now!'

Then Seth is all like 'We just have...'

And then Zach helpfully exclaims: 'They cloaked!'

Yes, apparently Radical's fleet has stealth cloaking technology.  All that lightning is supposed to be their de-cloaking... thing.  A visual stolen from the video game Colony Wars I might add.  I mentioned this game before; it's going to have quite the influence over these last few issues indeed.

Page 3

Not even 'to be continued.'  Just 'be continued.'  >_<

I abruptly decide to end the issue now.  I think I was just rushing along, trying to get to issue 40.  I probably could have fused the last three issues into a single volume.  Derp.

Anyway, Radical Worm gives us a hearty skull laugh.  Notice that he's no longer drawn in hard-to-see flesh-tone crayon!  Yes, I now had a pink marker, and I wasn't afraid to use it.

Sether in the Morff #36

OH DAMN!  OH DAMN!  OH DAMN!  I KEEP MISSING UPDATES ARRRGHH!!!

Cover Page

Shitty spaceships on yellowed paper!

I don't even remember what's going on.  Do you?  Feck.

Page 1

Aussalt?

Our heroes return to Earth, where they left their spaceships.  I'm surprised that Radical Worm and his cronies didn't steal them or blow them up.  Actually, I'm not.  His ineptitude is well established at this point.  Look at that idyllic fucking scene in the last panel.  Green grass, poofy clouds, and a yellow shining sun.  Keep in mind that not far off is the devastated, burnt, destroyed remnants of a human city.  Hooray!

Page 2

Oh Jesus God in Heaven, why?

So Clyde returns with his own fancy ship, loaded up with guns of course.  What does he call this machine of war?  The 'Clyde-o-scope.'  As in kaleidoscope.  It's a pun.  Why did I think that was cool?  What the hell was wrong with me?  What the hell IS wrong with me?  I can't see the sky anymore.  Just a bunch of disembodied doll faces weeping blood.  IA!  IA!  FHTAGN!!

Page 3

At least it's not four pages...

So then, like, Seth puts on a fucking general's outfit, like he's George Patton or some shit, and gives an idiotic inspirational speech.  I guess you're supposed to get pumped for another mindless space battle?  "We're gana win!"  *belch*

I sure am glad this atrocity is almost over.  My brain can't really come up with much more commentary that hasn't already been said.  Sadly, we haven't even begun to see the final acts of Epic Stupidity that await.  I'm probably going to have a stroke before this is all over.  NOBODY GETS ANY OF MY STUFF!!

Sether in the Morff #35

Aw geez, I forgot to update yesterday.  I'm really slipping up.  DERF.

Cover Page

Explosion, flower, or popcorn?

This issue promises to be quite EXPLOSIVE!  Get it?  HAHA HURR HURR.

Page 1

Blamo!  Kablamz!

This issue, entitled 'Blamo!' begins with some space combat.  I guess this was inspired by the scene in Star Wars where the Millennium Falcon fights off some TIE fighters with swivel turret lasers or whatever.  

Page 2

Egect?

I guess I didn't know how to spell eject.  Close, but no cigar.

After all that build up and all that explanation, I just blow up their new spaceship.  I guess I was tired of that idea.  I originally planned on it being their new mobile base or something, but no, let's just blow it to smithereens. 

Page 3

What's this?

Clyde fails to eject properly, but apparently it doesn't matter, because now he has super powers or something.

Page 4

The end?

So I guess Clyde now has super powers.  Perhaps the very violence of the explosion gave him violence powers, since he's all about violence?  I never even read Punisher comics, but Clyde seems to be a similar sort of archetype: skulls, ammo bandoleers, and guns.  I refer to the Punisher as 'Violence Man,' (which is also a reference to something!  Can you guess what it is?), because Violence is what he do.

I wonder if I lost a page to this comic, or if I forgot to formally end it, but this is where issue 35 comes to a close.  Riveting, no? So what will happen to our boys in space now?  I DUNNO!  ACTUALLY I DO!  AND IT'S DUMB!

Sether in the Morff #34

Cover Page

Get ready for crap!

Ah, issue 34.  Not only is it hilariously short, clocking in at 3 pages not counting the cover, but it also harbors one of the most horrible bits of strangeness of any SITM comic.  It's... 'unique.'

Page 1

Wait for it...

We join our heroes as they further explore the ins and outs of their new ship-thing.  Apparently solar panels alone are enough to power this thing as it soars through the stars.  Great!  I like the freaking hanging microphones used as a PA system.  And of course, Clyde is happy to see that it is armed with laser turrets.  But Hark!  An enemy cruiser approacheth! 

Page 2

OH NO!  OH NO!  OH NO!

OH HOLY LORD MY EYES!  What is going on here?  Why is everything brown?  

I don't remember the exact circumstances, but one of two things probably happened: either we ran out of printer paper, and I was too impatient to wait for my parents to buy more, or my Mom was trying to persuade me to stop wasting all the printer paper, and bought this brown shitty paper for me to draw on instead.

Either way, the last two pages of this mess are drawn on this really soft, recycled-feeling brown paper.  Hooray!  

The guys are getting attacked by enemy fighters.  Radical Worm appears on a little console thing and says 'Take no prisoners!'  I guess he's finally abandoned the whole prisoner-taking strategy.  Good for him!  It didn't seem to be working for him.

The enemy lasers hit the shields of our heroes' ship.  Yes, it has shields.  Those little blue things are the shields at work.  They also make the sound 'tor! tor! tor!' which was my way of copying the sound your shields make in the video game Colony Wars.

Colony Wars was a spaceship dogfighting game for Playstation.  I think I was just starting to fall in love with this game, because it's going to make a much more blatant appearance in relatively short order.  I'll explain more about it when the time comes.

Page 3

What is wrong with Clyde?

Mercifully, we end this on a cliffhanger.  That brown paper really sucks.  I used 8 exclamation points in that first panel with Jess.  !!!!!!!!

Thankfully that brown paper will not make a second appearance.  Things will return to normal soon.

Sether in the Morff #33

Aw hell, I gone and done missed two days in a row with them updates.  Tarnation!  What if there was a nation that primarily exported tar? Would it be a Tarnation?  Look, I had a series of nasty headaches, there's a really bad heat wave going on, California is basically on fire again, what more excuses do you demand of me?  We're almost done with this atrocity of a comic series.  I guess I'm trying to prolong the magic.  

Cover Page

I guess black pen was more economical than black marker?

Actually, I bet my black marker ran out of ink after using it too much.  Black markers have a tendency to do that.  Especially black wet erase markers.  Anybody remember those weird overhead projectors they used back in school?  Do people still use those?  Or do they staple iPads to the wall?  HUNGH?

Anyway, this cover depicts the Brothers Three in some sort of satellite spaceship thingy.  Those hemispherical windows... I thought hemispherical windows were cool.  They reminded me of two things: my submarine Legos, which featured 'glass bubble' cockpits, and the giant transparent plastic bubble windows you might find at a McDonald's play place or a DZ DISCOVERY ZONE.  Ah, the smell of feet still haunts me.  

Basically, what is about to transpire is based off a fantasy of mine: to have, own, and live inside a spaceship or space station reminiscent of a DZ Discovery Zone.  I could do anything there, on my own.  DZ: Where Kids Want To Be.

Fuuuuck people are probably calling the police on me right now.  This might be my last update before the White Coats take me away.  I JUST WANTED A MCDONALDS PLAYPLACE SPACE STATION IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

Page 1

AAIAIGGHGHRRGHH!

The title of this episode is: "Beam me up, Scotty!"  A phrase which apparently is never actually uttered in Star Trek.  I don't think I had ever watched Star Trek, but I knew the phrase and its implications.  

It's difficult to decipher, but this page depicts our heroes getting beamed up into one of Radical Worm's giant saucer ships.  

Page 2

Using color is difficult. 

The gang materialize inside Radical's ship.  But is there a party of armed guards waiting to subdue them?  Of course not.  Security is pretty lax aboard this ship.  I guess there's Union regulations to worry about.  Everybody was on their lunch break.

Page 3

PERSPECTIVVVVEEE

Wandering the hallways unchallenged, our heroes make their way to a docking bay, where there is an undefended ship just sitting there.  God dammit, Radical.  You deserve to lose at this point.  How did this asshole conquer the entire human race?

Page 4

Splash page necessity = 0%

FINALLY security shows up.  A bit slow on the draw there fellas.  I mean, they were basically at your mercy, floating helplessly in space.  You could have organized things a little better before beaming them up.  Sweet Dagon what's wrong with these guys?

Page 5

I guess somebody left the keys?

Our boys begin their escape.  The guards' guns are pretty useless, surprising nobody. 

Page 6

>_o

So they didn't even TRY to shoot them down as they escaped?  They just sort of let them go?  Why?  Just... why?

The real culprit here is that I had written myself into a corner by having the team captured, and I didn't feel like making a more logical escape sequence.  I just had this idea for a bubble-glass ship thing, and I wanted to get our heroes inside it as quickly as possible.  

Page 7

So close to no grammatical errors...

Zach notices the various buttons, levers, and gauges, and enthusiastically declares that this ship has 'got it all.'  Seth then has some sort of epiphany.  Derp?

Page 8

Chock?

Despite having been inside this ship for all of five minutes, Seth knows how to disengage his little pod thing.  Miraculously, the pod thing comes equipped with cans of purple and blue spray paint, along with robotic arms to manipulate the cans with.  

Seth then proceeds to spray a new logo on the side of the ship.  This is of course the first order of business.  Not worrying about pursuit.  Not trying to figure out how to save the human race.  No. Defacing property with spray paint.  Story checks out.

Page 9

An End.

So... the heroes have a new ship!  Hooray!  Mission accomplished!  Bring out boys home!  AAAARRRRGGHH!!!!

Sether in the Morff #32

Cover Page

So our heroes + the Australian are captured and in a ship, on their way to... some sort of fate.  Let's see what happens to them!

Page 1

Spelling error count: 5

This page is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors.  It makes me weak in the knees and bladder.  Ick.  At least I started spelling Clyde's name right.

So the gang are just hanging out in a cell on Radical's ship.  He was kind enough to provide them with a crate to sit on.  How nice!  Why hasn't he flooded the room with poison gas, or shot them out into the vacuum of space?  He could blow up the ship, or drive it into the Sun... there are so many options.  But for some reason, capture is the only thing the villains in this comic appear capable of doing.

Notice that Clyde's yellow flesh often turns green, due to the wet yellow marker mixing with the wet blue marker.  Some patience would have prevented this, but I drew these things at the SPEED OF ECTO COOLER FUELED MADNESS.

Page 2

Oh jesus... 

Wow, I messed up that second panel something fierce.  I think what I was trying to draw originally was Zach or Jess tossing Seth the 'transformy remote thingy' but wound up drawing Seth in that panel... after I had drawn him tossing the remote?  So I scribbled out the dialogue balloon... and I think I screwed up something on that door as well, because there's that awful black scribble thing on it.  

I should have just scrapped this page and started over, but no, I tried to salvage it somehow.  I guess Radical Worm and his men failed to search our heroes before imprisoning them.  So now, instead of turning into Clay Seth or Slime Seth, Seth turns into... Dynamite Seth?  How is this going to work?

Page 3

Waroom.

So... Seth blows himself up?  But he emerges unscathed, and nobody else in the room was harmed.  I guess it worked in Vectorman logic, where Vectorman could turn into a bomb and blow himself up and then just re-construct and proceed as normal.  Who knows?

Anyway, the boys escape, but a security camera sees them escaping!  

Page 4

Deploy the goons!

Radical Worm sends his henchmen to intercept our heroes.  I was curious if he still had the blue 'Dark One men' in his employment, and this confirms that he does.  What do we call them now?  Radical Worm Men?  Do these poor four-eyed blue guys have an identity of their own?  What's their rich backstory?

I don't think they have one.

Page 5

Fight scene!

I like that first panel; a general chaos fight scene.  The guy wielding a chair steals the scene for me.  Why do they have a wooden chair on a space ship?  Why not?

Instead of resolving the fight, they boys jump through a plot hole and into some space suits.  At least the airlock has a turny-wheel handle instead of a regular door knob.

Page 6

Great plan, guys.

So... the escape plan is just to jump out into space.  Story checks out.  Great splash page.  9/10.

Page 7

Clyde: thinking about oxygen since 1996ish.

Despite a brief respite, our heroes find themselves at the mercy of one of Radical's big saucer-cruiser-carrier things.

Page 8

PAAGE BLEED THROOOO

I end with a giant close-up splash page cliffhanger of stupidity.  Hooray!

Back Page

On the back, I promise that something is 'coming soon,' displaying the 'X2' logo with a little rocket flying around it.

This was part of a grandiose idea that was promptly abandoned, but I'll get further into it, and the weird mechanizations of my young mind, during the next update.