Sether in the Morff #34

Cover Page

Get ready for crap!

Ah, issue 34.  Not only is it hilariously short, clocking in at 3 pages not counting the cover, but it also harbors one of the most horrible bits of strangeness of any SITM comic.  It's... 'unique.'

Page 1

Wait for it...

We join our heroes as they further explore the ins and outs of their new ship-thing.  Apparently solar panels alone are enough to power this thing as it soars through the stars.  Great!  I like the freaking hanging microphones used as a PA system.  And of course, Clyde is happy to see that it is armed with laser turrets.  But Hark!  An enemy cruiser approacheth! 

Page 2

OH NO!  OH NO!  OH NO!

OH HOLY LORD MY EYES!  What is going on here?  Why is everything brown?  

I don't remember the exact circumstances, but one of two things probably happened: either we ran out of printer paper, and I was too impatient to wait for my parents to buy more, or my Mom was trying to persuade me to stop wasting all the printer paper, and bought this brown shitty paper for me to draw on instead.

Either way, the last two pages of this mess are drawn on this really soft, recycled-feeling brown paper.  Hooray!  

The guys are getting attacked by enemy fighters.  Radical Worm appears on a little console thing and says 'Take no prisoners!'  I guess he's finally abandoned the whole prisoner-taking strategy.  Good for him!  It didn't seem to be working for him.

The enemy lasers hit the shields of our heroes' ship.  Yes, it has shields.  Those little blue things are the shields at work.  They also make the sound 'tor! tor! tor!' which was my way of copying the sound your shields make in the video game Colony Wars.

Colony Wars was a spaceship dogfighting game for Playstation.  I think I was just starting to fall in love with this game, because it's going to make a much more blatant appearance in relatively short order.  I'll explain more about it when the time comes.

Page 3

What is wrong with Clyde?

Mercifully, we end this on a cliffhanger.  That brown paper really sucks.  I used 8 exclamation points in that first panel with Jess.  !!!!!!!!

Thankfully that brown paper will not make a second appearance.  Things will return to normal soon.

Sether in the Morff #33

Aw hell, I gone and done missed two days in a row with them updates.  Tarnation!  What if there was a nation that primarily exported tar? Would it be a Tarnation?  Look, I had a series of nasty headaches, there's a really bad heat wave going on, California is basically on fire again, what more excuses do you demand of me?  We're almost done with this atrocity of a comic series.  I guess I'm trying to prolong the magic.  

Cover Page

I guess black pen was more economical than black marker?

Actually, I bet my black marker ran out of ink after using it too much.  Black markers have a tendency to do that.  Especially black wet erase markers.  Anybody remember those weird overhead projectors they used back in school?  Do people still use those?  Or do they staple iPads to the wall?  HUNGH?

Anyway, this cover depicts the Brothers Three in some sort of satellite spaceship thingy.  Those hemispherical windows... I thought hemispherical windows were cool.  They reminded me of two things: my submarine Legos, which featured 'glass bubble' cockpits, and the giant transparent plastic bubble windows you might find at a McDonald's play place or a DZ DISCOVERY ZONE.  Ah, the smell of feet still haunts me.  

Basically, what is about to transpire is based off a fantasy of mine: to have, own, and live inside a spaceship or space station reminiscent of a DZ Discovery Zone.  I could do anything there, on my own.  DZ: Where Kids Want To Be.

Fuuuuck people are probably calling the police on me right now.  This might be my last update before the White Coats take me away.  I JUST WANTED A MCDONALDS PLAYPLACE SPACE STATION IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

Page 1

AAIAIGGHGHRRGHH!

The title of this episode is: "Beam me up, Scotty!"  A phrase which apparently is never actually uttered in Star Trek.  I don't think I had ever watched Star Trek, but I knew the phrase and its implications.  

It's difficult to decipher, but this page depicts our heroes getting beamed up into one of Radical Worm's giant saucer ships.  

Page 2

Using color is difficult. 

The gang materialize inside Radical's ship.  But is there a party of armed guards waiting to subdue them?  Of course not.  Security is pretty lax aboard this ship.  I guess there's Union regulations to worry about.  Everybody was on their lunch break.

Page 3

PERSPECTIVVVVEEE

Wandering the hallways unchallenged, our heroes make their way to a docking bay, where there is an undefended ship just sitting there.  God dammit, Radical.  You deserve to lose at this point.  How did this asshole conquer the entire human race?

Page 4

Splash page necessity = 0%

FINALLY security shows up.  A bit slow on the draw there fellas.  I mean, they were basically at your mercy, floating helplessly in space.  You could have organized things a little better before beaming them up.  Sweet Dagon what's wrong with these guys?

Page 5

I guess somebody left the keys?

Our boys begin their escape.  The guards' guns are pretty useless, surprising nobody. 

Page 6

>_o

So they didn't even TRY to shoot them down as they escaped?  They just sort of let them go?  Why?  Just... why?

The real culprit here is that I had written myself into a corner by having the team captured, and I didn't feel like making a more logical escape sequence.  I just had this idea for a bubble-glass ship thing, and I wanted to get our heroes inside it as quickly as possible.  

Page 7

So close to no grammatical errors...

Zach notices the various buttons, levers, and gauges, and enthusiastically declares that this ship has 'got it all.'  Seth then has some sort of epiphany.  Derp?

Page 8

Chock?

Despite having been inside this ship for all of five minutes, Seth knows how to disengage his little pod thing.  Miraculously, the pod thing comes equipped with cans of purple and blue spray paint, along with robotic arms to manipulate the cans with.  

Seth then proceeds to spray a new logo on the side of the ship.  This is of course the first order of business.  Not worrying about pursuit.  Not trying to figure out how to save the human race.  No. Defacing property with spray paint.  Story checks out.

Page 9

An End.

So... the heroes have a new ship!  Hooray!  Mission accomplished!  Bring out boys home!  AAAARRRRGGHH!!!!

Sether in the Morff #32

Cover Page

So our heroes + the Australian are captured and in a ship, on their way to... some sort of fate.  Let's see what happens to them!

Page 1

Spelling error count: 5

This page is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors.  It makes me weak in the knees and bladder.  Ick.  At least I started spelling Clyde's name right.

So the gang are just hanging out in a cell on Radical's ship.  He was kind enough to provide them with a crate to sit on.  How nice!  Why hasn't he flooded the room with poison gas, or shot them out into the vacuum of space?  He could blow up the ship, or drive it into the Sun... there are so many options.  But for some reason, capture is the only thing the villains in this comic appear capable of doing.

Notice that Clyde's yellow flesh often turns green, due to the wet yellow marker mixing with the wet blue marker.  Some patience would have prevented this, but I drew these things at the SPEED OF ECTO COOLER FUELED MADNESS.

Page 2

Oh jesus... 

Wow, I messed up that second panel something fierce.  I think what I was trying to draw originally was Zach or Jess tossing Seth the 'transformy remote thingy' but wound up drawing Seth in that panel... after I had drawn him tossing the remote?  So I scribbled out the dialogue balloon... and I think I screwed up something on that door as well, because there's that awful black scribble thing on it.  

I should have just scrapped this page and started over, but no, I tried to salvage it somehow.  I guess Radical Worm and his men failed to search our heroes before imprisoning them.  So now, instead of turning into Clay Seth or Slime Seth, Seth turns into... Dynamite Seth?  How is this going to work?

Page 3

Waroom.

So... Seth blows himself up?  But he emerges unscathed, and nobody else in the room was harmed.  I guess it worked in Vectorman logic, where Vectorman could turn into a bomb and blow himself up and then just re-construct and proceed as normal.  Who knows?

Anyway, the boys escape, but a security camera sees them escaping!  

Page 4

Deploy the goons!

Radical Worm sends his henchmen to intercept our heroes.  I was curious if he still had the blue 'Dark One men' in his employment, and this confirms that he does.  What do we call them now?  Radical Worm Men?  Do these poor four-eyed blue guys have an identity of their own?  What's their rich backstory?

I don't think they have one.

Page 5

Fight scene!

I like that first panel; a general chaos fight scene.  The guy wielding a chair steals the scene for me.  Why do they have a wooden chair on a space ship?  Why not?

Instead of resolving the fight, they boys jump through a plot hole and into some space suits.  At least the airlock has a turny-wheel handle instead of a regular door knob.

Page 6

Great plan, guys.

So... the escape plan is just to jump out into space.  Story checks out.  Great splash page.  9/10.

Page 7

Clyde: thinking about oxygen since 1996ish.

Despite a brief respite, our heroes find themselves at the mercy of one of Radical's big saucer-cruiser-carrier things.

Page 8

PAAGE BLEED THROOOO

I end with a giant close-up splash page cliffhanger of stupidity.  Hooray!

Back Page

On the back, I promise that something is 'coming soon,' displaying the 'X2' logo with a little rocket flying around it.

This was part of a grandiose idea that was promptly abandoned, but I'll get further into it, and the weird mechanizations of my young mind, during the next update.

Sether in the Morff #31

Aw Jiminy Chrimbus, I forgot to update this thing yesterday, and today is almost over!  I'm falling apart at the seams.  GERF.

Cover Page

Huh?

I don't really know what's going on with this cover page.  I think it's supposed to be some sort of high-tech targeting reticule or HUD.  Kind of like Predator or Terminator or something.  Maybe it's supposed to be Clyde looking down the scope of a laser gun at me?  Blerg?

Page 1

Perspective is hard to draw.

When we last left our heroes, Zach had been shot off a cliff by some Australian asshole.  What a dick.

Page 2

Zrang?

In a more blatant display of power than we've probably seen him do so far, Zach turns into a green comet-thing and rockets back up out of the gully.  Good for you, Zach!

Page 3

Biong?

Zach KICKS CLYDE!  WOO!  KICK HIS ASS!  

Clyde apparently has 'hammer space' when it comes to guns, as he pulls an even bigger, more absurd-looking weapon out of his ass.  A well placed purple shield thing deflects the laser and saves Zach.  Notice that I fucked up a panel in the upper right of that last panel.  I made the rebounding laser go towards it, and tried to pass it off as 'smoke' as it hit something.  I'm not buying it, past me, and neither is the audience.  TRY HARDER.

Page 4

Cham?  Cham!  Cham!

Jess manages to knock Clyde unconscious somehow with a massive salvo of laser fire from his ship, miraculously leaving him alive instead of a smoldering crater.  

Fun Fact: the red 'cham cham' laser sequence was stolen from Sonic the Hedgehog 3!  There's this part near the end of the first level, before you fight Robotnik at the waterfall, when this airship thing drops bombs.  The 'cham' sound was me copying the noise they made as they exploded, and they made weird little mushroom explosions sort of like the ones near Clyde in that second panel.  Aren't you interested by this?  Huh?  SHUT UP!

Page 5

Oh dear!

Holy crap!  Look at how angry Clyde is!  His head is about to explode with fury.  Fortunately, before he can have an aneurism, Radical Worm captures everyone involved.  Notice that the gun that stuns everyone is in fact the 'Spaze' cannon from like the second issue or whatever.  I kept bringing back that stupid gun design.

How the hell did Radical manage to sneak a bunch of men and a spaze cannon near the group?  Were they so distracted by Clyde's frothing fury?  Who knows.  It looks like the gang's in trouble again!  

I'll make up my lack of updates to you tomorrow!  I promise!  I'll make it all better, baby.  Just give me a chance.  *belch*

Sether in the Morff #30

Hellote again folkes.  Laits reed ma derp comickz:

Cover Page

Party Hats

Welcome to the '30th Ishue' (sic) of SITM.  There are several particularly embarrassing spelling errors in this episode; my various shame sphincters are already contracting in distress at the prospect of highlighting them for you in detail.  ENJOY MY PAIN!

Page 1

Meats?  Seriously?

We begin with a splash page, depicting the Brothers Three making their way back to Earth.  Check out those little reflectiony-doos on the cockpit glass!  Such technique!  I also like that I just gave up drawing one of those stars, which appears to just be an 'X' in the upper right corner.  Good job, past self!  You're really knocking it out of the park with this one.

Page 2

So... many... problems on this page...

Our heroes land on a devastated and depopulated Earth.  Look at those burnt husks of buildings!  Smoking ruin!  If it's like this throughout the globe, the human race may never fully recover, even if Seth manages to save them.  They should be dropping to their knees in horror, howling their loss to the uncaring skies.  But no, they're just like "So this is the place, huh?  I guess Radical's been here.  Derp de herp."

Suddenly, Seth is shot by a laser from off-panel.  The use of 'mate' at the end of the sentence implies an Australian accent, and there's only one Australian we're aware of...

Okay, this implies that Seth & Co. landed on Australia, for some reason.  Of all the land masses on planet Earth, they picked Australia.  Why?  What strategic significance could a depopulated Australian continent provide?  No, the laws of Narrative in my addled mind dictated that as soon as they landed on Earth, they would come into contact with the new gun-toting Aussie madman.  

Also, why does this Australian guy think Seth & friends are enemies?  They look human, right?  Or at least the same hairless yellow stick figure as he himself is, in a world of beige crayon people?

Page 3

Clyed? 

God dammit.  Shit.  I didn't know how to spell his name, okay?  I was close.  But the internet didn't exist back then, and I couldn't be bothered to look stuff up.  His name is supposed to be Klyde or Clyde.  Just... don't look at me.  DON'T LOOK AT ME!

Page 4

Gun violence = comedy!

I go for some weird laser visual gags here.  I like that Zach 'rolls up his sleeve.'  See, he doesn't wear sleeves, so when he rolls them up he just rolls up his skin, revealing a skeletal arm underneath.  I'm a funny guy, yeah?

Page 5

What was I on back then?  Mushrooms?

Clyde points a huge, grotesquely detailed and hairy accusatory finger at our heroes.  Seth and Jess then break out into song and dance, with fucking canes and spats.  What the hell was wrong with me?  Zach is the only one apparently immune to this bullshit.

Page 6

To be contenud?

Zach tries to talk some sense into Clyde, but he decides to shoot Zach off of a cliff instead.  I don't know how many cliffs exist in Australia, but I guess our heroes decided to land damn close to one.  Seemed like a good idea at the time, I'm sure.

Bonus Back Page

Dat marker bleed through.

On the back of the last page is a half-completed drawing of Clyde.  I guess I gave up on this image for some reason?

Clyde was supposed to be the 'Knuckles the Echidna' to Seth's 'Sonic the Hedgehog.'  An initially hostile, yet badass character that the audience was supposed to wonder how long it would be until they joined forces with the main heroes.  Something about that dichotomy appealed to me.  Instead of a red echidna with spiked hands, I went for an Australian Punisher knockoff instead, like you do in these sorts of situations.

*sigh*

Sether in the Morff #29

End Intermission

Bringing You Back Up to Speed...

At long last, the wait is over.  We now return to the rich drama of Sether in the Morff.

When we last left our heroes, they had recently survived a bomb attack from a mysterious new enemy.  Using incredible powers of deduction, they determined their new foe was none other than Radical Worm, apparently filling the power vacuum left behind by the destruction of Nebula and Dark One.  

Unbeknownst to our heroes, Radical Worm has set his sights on Earth.  It would seem the battle for the destiny of the Pandimensionality will unfold not within the Morff, but the humble home dimension of the Brothers Three.

Without further ado: issue 29.

Cover Page

Mystery abounds.

Ah, yes, the last issue ended with a teaser, promising the introduction of a new character.  'But who could it be?' the cover seems to be suggesting.  Whoever they are, they seem to be a fan of blue skull icons.  

Page 1

Cue the Imperial March...

A fleet of spaceships, emblazoned with Radical Worm's 'R' logo, approach Earth with ill intent.  For some idiotic reason, Radical Worm himself pilots a green helicopter thingy, despite this making no sense in a vacuum.  Look, he used to pilot a helicopter, and he still did for continuity's sake.  How else could you tell that it was Radical Worm, huh?  Answer me that.

I probably should have designed a spooky capital ship for him.  Also, where the hell did he get the resources to muster a massive armada of spacecraft?  Dark One only managed a giant battle station, not an entire fleet.  And how did they get to Earth's dimension?  The logistics and resources behind this attack must truly be staggering. 

Page 2

YAY DEATH!

It might be hard to make out, but the people pictured above were made in flesh-toned crayon instead of marker.  Again, I didn't have a flesh-toned marker, so this was the best I could do.  Why there aren't any brown people is a perfectly valid question as well.  Or women, for that matter.  I guess I was a massive racist/sexist as a child.  Perhaps I should be running for president.  OOOH POLITICAL COMMENTARY SO TOPICAL.

Anyway, a guy with awesome Muppet hair sees the approaching enemy fleet on radar.  I think I stole that visual from the film Independence Day.  The imagery of a man being skeletonized by alien lasers was stolen from Mars Attacks! if memory serves.  My ability to appropriate visuals remains strong.  Both of those films were made in 1996, which again dates this comic somewhere around that time.

I really like that skeleton, though.  Poor bastard.  He turns into a little pile of ash.

Page 3

Stereotypes!

So Radical Worm manages to capture ALL OF THE PEOPLE ON EARTH HOLY SHIT!  That's right, every man, woman, and child, or at least every colored oval I was too lazy to draw instead, are loaded aboard his large blue saucer ships.  This is all apparently bait for Seth.  Good Lord, I forgot the stakes were that high.  

So I guess Radical Worm is the single most successful villain ever? Derp?  BUT WAIT!  There's trouble in the Land Down Unda, because a gun-having Australian man is refusing to go down without a fight!  Yes, despite all the combined militaries of planet Earth getting their ass kicked, a single man wearing a blue skull unitard, a bandoleer of ammunition, a bandanna, and two blue ovals for feet is holding his own against the endless robot legions.

This is the new character!  For some reason he has yellow skin, like Seth & Co., despite the fact that we established most humans are beige.  I thought I chalked up the yellow skin to some weird wackiness energy from Dimension X, but I guess if you are a main character you get yellow skin magically?  Why isn't he wearing pants?  HE HAS GUNS THOUGH.  And he has an Australian accent.  I thought Australia was the most badass country as a kid, and decided to add a badass Australian to the roster.  God help my soul.

Page 4

BLUURGH

The mysterious Australian Avenger claims that he will shoot the ever-loving shit out of anything arriving on Earth from parts unknown.  With our heroes set on returning to Earth, it would seem destiny is arranging a conflict between these two forces!  Who will win, a trio of idiots with insane super powers, or a lone Australian man with limitless ammo and a bandanna?  Who knows?  Who cares?

Get used to these later issues being of stupidly short length.  Four pages is about the norm from here on out.  Either I was trying to waste fewer sheets of paper so as not to piss off my parents, or I really wanted to get to 50 issues.  Regardless, I failed.

Intermission: Vectorman

Intermission Continues

Vectorman

We've got one more comic before we resume the epic that is Sether in the Morff.  This is yet another 'fan comic' if you will, based off of a video game I loved as a youngling.  I recovered this particular document during my hiatus in Ohio.  On the back of it, my Mom noted that I was 9 years old at the time, which dates it around 1996.

Cover Page

Vect R Man

This was my best attempt at recreating the title screen from the Sega Genesis game Vectorman (which auto-correct insists is actually the word 'Victorian'), which you may recall me mentioning back in SITM #8 or whatever it was, where Bubbleman first showed up.

Vectorman was a game populated by various robots, all of them made out of spheres.  Orbots, I believe they were called (it's a pun.  Orb-bots, get it?).  Not only did I like this games visual style, but I also liked the fact that orbots were really easy to draw; just a bunch of floating circles!  Easy!

WARNING: double-sided page bleed-through ahead.  AIIIGEERRGGHHH!!

Page 1

Good job, 9-year-old me.  F-

What the hell are we even looking at?  Allow me to do a visual translation:

So... Vectorman could transform into various things.  Drills, bombs, fish... he was a talented guy.  Now, the second level featured Vectorman becoming a train, for some reason, riding on a single train track suspended miles above the ground for some reason.  I'm must as confused as you are.

Now, the bad guy in Vectorman was an orbot called 'Warhead.'  He had a nuclear missile for a head.  Considering my obsession with nuclear explosions, it's no wonder this game made such an impact on me.  Derp.

Anyway, Warhead spent this level hanging from under the train tracks, trying to do Vectorman harm for... reasons.  I think all of the orbots went crazy while Vectorman was in space doing a mission, and when he came back he had to fight them to save humanity when they came back to Earth, since they were taking a long-term space vacation, kind of like Wall-E.  Am I even making sense?  Look, just look up Vectorman on wikipedia or something if you're so goddamn curious, okay?  I've got things to do, like post 19-year-old child scribblings on the internet. 

The dialogue in this comic is particularly obtuse.  I think Vectorman is saying: "Things look too humble (?).  This could be a trap!"

Then Warhead says: "A good guess!"  Such a rapport these two have.  I ship it.

Page 2

BATANG!  Splash page!  YEAH!

Warhead breaks the train tracks!  Woo!  I remember liking this drawing a lot.  Warhead's a badass.  "Batang" was my approximation of the sound he made in the game as his hands grabbed the train tracks.  Youtube it or something.  Balls.

Page 3

Great use of space, there.  

"Eat plasma, Warhead!" says Vectorman, as he fires a little plasma-doodad at Warhead.  "This isn't over yet Vectorman!" he retorts.

I'm not sure if his name was Warhead or War Head.  Hmm...  I could Google it, but screw it.

Page 4

...?

So then Warhead says "Cyber balls, get him!"  I guess those blue turret things are cyber balls?  I think I made that name up.  But there were little spherical turret enemies that harassed you in this level.  

Of course, they don't do anything.  Vectorman just ignores them, and shoots Warhead's hand on the railroad track.  It's very unclear, but this defeats Warhead.  Trust me.

Page 5

Yay?

Victorious, Vectorman leaps from the train tracks, resuming his normal humanoid form.  Good job?  

So it ends.  I hope you were just as fascinated by this waste of paper and crayon as I was.  Tomorrow: back to SITM!